EDIT: The classic version of the game is included as bonus content, this review is for the remastered version only
Subjective angry review for Crimsonland - remastered version:
I wanted a simple and fun action shooter for in between, something you can enjoy for a couple minutes to blow off some steam. Something with simple and smooth controls and lots of weapons and perks and upgrades. Something where it's fun to come back and try to beat your own high scores.
Crimsonland is all that except that it's not fun.
It's fun at first but it soon starts feeling stale, repetitive and unfair. Your character walks painstakingly slow like a grandma and even with speedy walk upgrades and even in the faster paced Blitz survival mode you can hardly escape the hordes of enemies that are programmed to encircle you in a mathematically evil way, you can only pray for a shield upgrade to appear at just the right time or a nuke that clears a part of the screen but upgrades appear randomly so it's mostly about luck. As for perks, you can't use them in campaign mode. You only unlock them here so if you buy the game for survival mode and don't want to play the missions, you're out of luck as you must finish the entire campaign to unlock all the perks.
That was different in the original, no idea why they changed something that worked. Don't change a working system!
There's no A.I. to speak of. Monsters just pan out to clusterf*ck-gangbang you and they all behave the same way, only difference is that they have different speeds and HP and damage output. All the maps are as flat as the chests of the audience in a Take That concert and there are zero obstacles in the terrain that you could use, no rivers or hills or buildings. The only tactical choices you have is which guy do I shoot first and how do I eliminate the nests in the fastest way and which of the randomly appearing upgrades do I grab. Nests spew an endless amount of enemies so you must take them out. In survival mode, those nests appear randomly and if it's off-screen you will often not spot them until they already spawned too many monsters for you to possibly take out.
Sounds like a lot of options but the tactical variety here is about the same as the last mission in Duke3D which was one big arena with non stop shooting. For one mission that was fun. For an entire game, it's not such fun. But Serious Sam was fun, you say. Yes, but in Serious Sam your skill actually matters. Unlike Crimsonland where you restart the mission until you finally get the right weapon. Usually, the first or second enemy drops the first weapon and then you are dependent on sheer luck for the right upgrades to save your sorry ass. I played survival mode many times but got completely different scores each time and the inconsistency wasn't in my skill level but in the amount of luck I had.
I finished the game on normal but when I tried the game on hardcore which is the second of 3 difficulties, I got completely and absolutely stuck in mission 20 (=mission 10 of chapter 2). I'm a calm guy but I rage-quit the game, this isn't challenging it's just a pain in the ass. I didn't review the game here earlier because I'd only go into negative rant mode and I wanted to calm down before reviewing it but my sentiment hasn't changed and I decided to give up on completing the campaign on all 3 difficulties.
I've played the game for more than 10 hours total and tried all 5 survival modes and tried to unlock some achievements but half the achievements are as I said, retarded.
Of course, some people like that insufferable stuff and they'll tell me that I simply suck at the game and that it isn't that hard and that they play on grim difficulty and got all the achievements etc etc, well I say to those people: Good for you, I'm sure you enjoyed collecting 50 blowtorches and I'm sure you enjoyed beating all missions on normal without losing a single health point! (seriously, that is one of the achievements)
If it had anything to do with skill, I would understand but this game is aggravating. Too much depends on luck and the god of random, both in the campaign and in the 5 survival modes. If you don't get the exact right weapon which is usually either the rocket launcher or plasma cannon, then you're royally f*cked. My personal favorite weapon is the gauss shotgun.
The designers had the common sense to give you the regular gauss gun by default in one level where it's absolutely crucial as waves of enemies appear in a straight line and only the gauss rifle takes care of that in a clean way. In the other levels and in the survival mode, it's 100% random luck.
The final mission of the campaign seems to be only beatable with the rocket launcher, even on normal difficulty. Every other weapon either reloads too slowly or doesn't pack enough punch.
One word of advice: If you are an arachnophobiac, stay the hell away from this game. I like spiders but the spiders in this game are such annoying f*cknuggets that you'll most likely start yelling out loudly and wake up whoever lives with you. If you live alone, your yelling will probably wake the neighbors and youl'll be evicted from your apartment. If it's your house, someone will probably call the cops on you.
One thing is positive though, if you want to kill a lot of things then this game does deliver, I killed 999 monsters in the final mission alone and that's just on normal difficulty, here's a screencap:
Post edited December 22, 2014 by awalterj