Look, it's not as if I could do much better, but I can see lots of room for improvement. First of, fluidity. The thing with fluidity is that it's hard to explain, you have to read it to feel it. For example:
The game begins when you(the nameless "hero") are thrown into the colony for an unspecified crime, you have been provided with a message which you have to deliver to the mages in one of the camps. At the beginning of the game, you are weak and will have your ass handed to you by any passing creature, your character has to learn to survive and develop in this brutal environment, although you have the freedom to go anywhere you wish, this is not a hand holding RPG with level scaling such as Bethesda's Oblivion, some areas contain some very strong enemies and if you are not strong enough, you WILL die.
Here's how I would rewrite your paragraph:
The game begins when you, the nameless hero, are thrown into the penal colony for an unspecified crime, and have been provided with a message which you must deliver to the mages in one of the camps. At the beginning of the game, you are weak and will have your ass handed to you by any passing creature. Your character has to learn to survive and develop in this brutal environment and although you have the freedom to go anywhere you wish, this is not a hand holding and level scaling RPG such as Bethesda's Oblivion, as some areas contain some very powerful enemies and if you are not strong enough to face them, you WILL die.
The thing with great writers is the fact that they know how to form sentences so that they can guarantee fluidity and avoid over repeating words. To combat this, try to implement variety of words into your reviews. I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to beat your writing down, it's just friendly advice. It's not the best of examples, but I hope I've made my point.
Apart from that, I think it's great that you're trying to get some awareness for these games out and the way that you're doing this is solid. Short, to the point, and with pros and cons tastefully implemented into the review. My opinion is, if you refresh your writing, it's gonna be great all round.