Wish granted. It is a good premise for a horror movie, with the not unexpected twist that the current owner of the phone also owned the phone in the past, and commited those crimes. On the downside, the idea is now up for grabs, so you better hurry with that pitch presentation.

I wish they would hurry up and develop those true holographic movies already.
Ninja'd, so I counter-ninja:

Wish granted, everyone is now Jesus.

Granted, but being recorded by holographic cameras is a fast-track to death by cancer.

I wish cancer was rare and fast-acting.

Granted, but not immediately. In the short term, cancer becomes fast-acting and extremely common. As a result, those who are genetically predisposed to cancer, which is perhaps most of the population, get cancer and die.

After the death of around 6 billion people, those who remain are genetically resistant to cancer, and as a result, cancer is rare among the survivors and their descendants, with natural selection doing its work. Unfortunately, this resulted in lots of death, and it takes a while for civilization to fully recover after this event.

Unfortunately, you are not one of the people with the gene for cancer resistance, and as a result you do not survive to see the day when cancer is rare (though you do experience the fast-acting part of it the hard way).

I wish that the high notes on the clarinet were easier to play, so that a typical amateur would be able to easily hit notes like G7. (For those who don't know scientific pitch notation, but are familiar with the clarinet's range: You know that G, many ledger lines above the staff, that is the highest many fingering charts go? That's G6, and G7 is an octave aboiv that.)

Done; but playing the G7 summons the G7, and they immediately declare that GoG is an immediate danger to the world economy, forcing this site to disband forever.

I wish that low-calorie ice cream tasted as good as the real thing.

Granted, but now the real thing tastes awful, and the low-calorie ice cream's taste hasn't improved.

I wish that amateur clarinet players could easily hit A7. (Yes, this is similar to my previous wish, but just different enough that the 'pun'-ishment given in the other wish's corruption won't work here.)

Granted, any clarinet players are now granted free access to any aviation museum containing an A-7 Corsair II and allowed to punch or kick it.

I wish that the First Emperor of China would spring to back life as would the terracotta army and declare their eternal loyalty to Taiwan and the Dalai Lama as the true governmental and spiritual leaders of China.

Granted. And the ensuing war spoils it for everyone.

Wish science budgets were doubled and military budgets were halved.

Granted. The scientists invented a source of very powerful energy. The military, lacking the resources to wage conventional warfare, exploits this energy for destructive purposes. A world war ensues and followed by catastrophe. Now the war is fought with sticks and stones. We need to protect our scientists to preserve collapsing civilization from enemy sticks and stones and thus needs more budget for defense.

I wish I could see any lifeform on another world in my lifetime.

Granted, there all exactly the same as whats on Earth but with far more disfiguring and contagious diseases.

I wish anti virus software was a 1000% more accurate, reliable and faster.

Granted, it's a toxic blob which literally boils with rage at the sight of you and the resulting gas sets your lungs on fire.

Granted, but the price scales with those stats and they create viruses that only their own program can fight, which sucks for those who can't afford.

I wish to create a parody video where illegal animal fights are held between deadly fictional creatures; namely a head-crab and face-hugger.

Granted. But the face hugger escapes...

Wish there were slightly more pepperoni on my pizza.

Granted, but it comes with pineapple and no cheese.

I wish for a new troll platformer to come out, to get a DRM-free release, and to be appropriate for all ages.

(Troll platformers are games like Syobon Action; Super Meat Boy and Celeste are not troll platformers.)

Granted, but the programmers don't know anything about the games you mentioned, instead they're creating a game where you're playing a forum troll, with Gog's site as his platform.

I wish for a ban on all superhero movies and for a return to making films for a grown-up audience.

Granted, but since most cinema revenue (like music) comes from 12-year-olds, the industry collapses and your favourite actor is out of a job.

Wish 'nerve agent' was just the name of a cartoon.

Granted, it's an ultra-violent cartoon where a secret service agent tortures people by cutting their nerves. It leads to many copycat murders by impressionable children and teenagers.

I wish for development of cold fusion as a safe and clean energy source.