^ Is too kind.

^ Hasn't shat in more than nine years.

^ Hasn't played a video game since Charles Bronson's "Death Wish III" on C64

^ Has literally never seen a video screen and can't comprehend moving images more complex than shadow puppets.

^ Shadowed a puppet as its apprentice.

^ A shadow puppet punched him out with one swing.

^ Has animated a short of Homer Simpson getting hit in the face with a brick. There's no "D'oh!" or slapstick, just Homer crying and bleeding. It's impressively animated but completely against the spirit of the character.

^ Likes to watch cartoon characters be tortured.

^ Confuses shadow puppets with shadow boxing.

^ HeresHisAccount

^ He's the king of monkey business.

^ is Peter Tork

^ Forgot how to spell "Peter Porker".

^ Owns a consulting company.

^Owns a villa in the Hebrides.