So a bit about me, I really didn't date until my early 20's (I even missed most of my high school dances) when I got to college. Pretty much even at that point, I've not been the most confident or socially able person. I got rejected hard on a few occasions. I didn't get into a serious relationship until my mid 20's and after a few years that didn't work out. It wasn't until my mid 30's I met someone very special. She was an old crush that rejected back when I was in college. It's not all roses, we have are arguments, we get judged by others who have so called "traditional" relationships (we have a child together and aren't married). That being said she makes me happy and I make her happy.

So a few tips that might help you start out;

1) Improve yourself - Get those hobbies going, keep yourself in good hygiene, try and give yourself style (add some stylin clothes), get an exercise routine going. Try and build confidence in yourself, challenge yourself if you can.

2) Figure out what type of person you want to be with - make a list of qualities the person must have (be it physical, mental or whatever). Divide the qualities into "must haves" and "would be nice to have but don't have to". Choose the must haves carefully before sticking to it hard. You don't want to lose out on a good partner just because they don't love orange juice. Remember this is a tool, not a rule.

3) Learn about how attraction works and how to read body language - There are a lot of useful sites on the subject and if your studying psychology, you'll have a leg up on this. One I found especially helpful was http://www.sosuave.com/. A few of the forum members there went on to write different books (legitly published) on the subject.

3) Socialize more - visit friends especially the ones that know a lot of people, say hi once in awhile to a pretty lady, maybe make small talk at the store if you can.

4) Don't be afraid to ask someone to meet up with you on a small date - Like asking to see someone at a coffee shop or grab lunch with or go out to a park with. Remember this should be a very casual event you feel relaxed going to. Maybe go check out a new hobby shop together or video game store. Base the outing on similar interests you have.

5) Remember to have fun on dates - When first going out with someone the last thing on your mind should be how long term things will be. You should be having fun. With each date, try and find out what your partner values and continue seeing the person if it appeals to you or don't if things aren't panning out. Let serious come on it's own and naturally. You can't force commitment, it has to be something you and your partner come together on. With each date and knowledge you get of your partner, you'll be able to figure out if you want to go for the long haul with them or just have fun. One caveat to this is you have to be honest with yourself and your partner. Do not tell your partner one thing and do another.

Some points to ponder; marriage in the state, outside of helping with taxes and property assignment in the event of death, doesn't mean anything. It's how you feel about your partner and how your partner feels about you. The "marriage" will be there before the ceremony begins, it's your decision if you want state recognition and a big party to celebrate the union.

Well since my husband makes me very, very happy, I actually want to make sure he sticks around for as long as is humanly possible! Might I say that some of his body parts are MOST excellent and I'd really, really miss them? ;-p
In my dreams, in my dreams... ;-)

that sounds so perverted, i like it :)

Married, overweight gamer girl here.

You know what's attractive? Happy people are attractive!
If you project that you're feeling good about yourself, people like to be around you. That even applies if you're often a negative cynic.
Have a look at yourself, realize that you're just wonderfully yourself and go meet people. :-)

I just saw most of my friends getting married in the last years most of them different degrees of gamers, nerds, geeks, role players, LARPers etc., and a good chunk of them in their 30s. (We still need a match for a furry friend of mine though.) And I've heard most of them (if not all) lament at some point in the past that they'll never find such a love.

So, go, be a happy person, have fun and enjoy life. Because that feels good and makes you attractive.

Nice drops. +1

The two of you are better people than most.

I tend to avoid profiles without pictures because they're more likely to be married, in a relationship or not taking the process seriously. I get enough crap from married women and women that are in "committed" relationships in real life that I'm not really willing to deal with a profile that doesn't even have a headshot attached to it.

Women do tend to like powerful men, but not always in the conventional way. Good looks, money, brains and brawn
are all ways in which people exert power in the world. I remember having plenty of women trying to hit on me when I worked security, and I was wearing an ill fitting polyester suit at the time. Apparently walking around like you own a several hundred million dollar building is a turn on to some folks.

well, you do right in NOT pursuing such persons.. When it comes to finding "the better part", it is better to wait a decade or even to rather than rush along just because someone wants to have relationship for sake of relationship..

Seriously, find the right person may take long or short time - but in either case its nothing to stress about.

Only way to "speed up" is to simply meet more people. Get hobbies for the sake of having good hobbies and you never know when you meet like minded interesting people.

To an extent yes, but there reaches a point where waiting gets to be absurd. I didn't used to regret waiting, but now I'm in my mid 30s having literally had more marriage proposals than dates, and I do regret not having had the odd fling when I was younger, even if they didn't meet any reasonable standards.

But, I made my choices. I decided to go to college a couple years early and miss out on dating in high school. Then I chose to be honest with myself about my sexual orientation. And then I chose to boycott the whole damned system and after a while that all adds up.

But, then again, I do have a message in one of my online dating profiles from a real person and most of what I missed out on was bullshit anyways, so yeah, not really sure what my point there was.

Well here is the thing, Crosmado - declining birthrates are bad for countries.Without children there is no one to replace older workers and support social systems yada..not going to do an economy lesson here. Married people tend to have less health issues - maybe it is because they encourage each other to go to the doctor and get regular check-ups or maybe it is because they insist on their partner getting out of the house to do stuff together which leads to better health in general - dunno. But it is a proven fact - couples, however you slice or dice them, tend to live longer.

But hey, I totally am cool with you not wanting to be in a relationship. More power to you. But then why are you posting in this thread? The guy is asking for help in finding a relationship - if you don't want one, don't need one then how is your opinion relevant? Why not just skip this thread altogether? You say that relationships are the root of all evil but can I just say that you would not exist without one? I mean I get it - for some a hermetic life is da'bomb but hermits don't post on game forums and they especially don't post in threads about relationships.

As to threads, it's more than the man hitting on that woman - and btw, he went way, way beyond "Hitting on you, haha". I mean "Hey, come over and see my etchings" is one thing but the core of it was that he used a totally female tactic to get information... "I'll do you if you give me what I want." That was creepy, Crosmado. Come on, admit it. And as far as I know, the woman in question did not publicly post the thread... she just shared it with a friend in a kind of "Is this kind of creepy or what" conversation. The friend felt it was sufficiently creepy and shared it with the world. Ultimately, I don't think this crap needs to go viral - we all make mistakes but this climate of "share ALL the things" sucks. And frankly the guy probably woke up the next day going "What the heck did I do last night?" and probably would have sent an deeply heart-felt apology. So I feel bad for both of them...this shit never, ever goes away. Ever.

The thing is, Crosmado, I'm female and I'm a forum member too. I try really hard to remember that this place is kind of special when I post. That it encompasses a huge, wide range of cultures, countries, at minimum two sexes and a whole boatload of differences in POV's... Sadly it's gotten to the point where I find myself automatically discounting anything you say anywhere on this forum because I feel like you have an agenda that is specifically targeted against women. And frankly that is kind of sad since I really, really try to keep an open mind to everyone. Anyway, just my opinion - and as my mother was wont to say "Opinions are like assholes - everyone has one". ;-p

Rejoice - these days its totally fine to have "odd fling" even if youre in your eighties :)

Anyways, if one wants to just date people that should be pretty feasible with internets + chats and everything. Depending on ones "standards" ofcourse.

But i really meant long time relationships.

I once thought i had found myself wings - but later discovered they were concrete boots instead. Ive not become pessimistic after that experience, but i did learn my lesson about diving into a relationship too deep too fast. ...not that its easy thing to do when youve "just met the right one" naturally ;)

Hey, I am all for everyone making their wildest dreams come true - and an honest, healthy relationship breeds the kind of trust where that actually happens. Call it perverted if you like but I call it being really happy ;-p

See the thing is that most people hide their deepest desires from other people - and sadly the people they are closest to, for the most part. But how the heck is anyone going to realize their dreams if they never talk about them and get the support they need to make them come true? It's totally stupid, right? Whether it be some sexual fantasy or some business plan or some invention... dreams need verbalization to become reality. I mean not every dream is going to be amazing but if you don't try, you never know, if that makes any kind of sense.

For me that means a whole host of opportunities - yeah some of them are bedroom stuff which I am NOT going to share on this forum (;-D) but others are about seeing some amazing places in the world, learning to code and a lot of other education, and cooking great meals or trying new wines or even playing new genres of games. Without the encouragement of someone I trust, those things might not have happened and that is the saddest thing ever.

Hey, life is short...it may not feel like it but it is. When we surround ourselves with people who encourage us to live life to its fullest extent, AND we do the same for them, life may (for many - not all) be a richer experience.

TBH, 23 is rather soon to be "doomed." I mean heck, if I'm honest about it, I'm 33 and as far as I know I've never been on a date. Although women around here are so strange that I can't necessarily rule out the possibility that some of my female friends were more than friends. And that would explain why Sarah refuses to return any of my calls for reasons that I really don't get.

But, it's all a matter of figuring out how to get yourself introduced to the women that might be interested in you. Believe me, being perceived as highly attractive isn't all it's cracked up to be. It makes me seriously uncomfortable having women trying to compete with each other to get my attention and I still haven't been able to figure out how to deal with it. I don't like the idea of choosing one or the other, rejecting one of them without knowing who they are, and feeling like an ass if I approach both of them.

Ultimately though, the thing that holds me back more than anything else is that I'm so used to screwing things up, that I can't envision myself getting it right. I've got a pair of PMs in my various online profiles at the present, and I'm, quite frankly, terrified of opening them. I know for the first line that at least one of them is probably good news, but I'm so used to being single, that I'm not even sure what to do about it at the present.

The point here isn't to do a lot of whining, the point here is context. I'm a decade further down the line than you are, and I can still see the goal, even though for most of that time I thought I was pretty hopeless and doomed myself. It's just a question of figuring out which assumptions you need to reevaluate and which approaches need to be dropped in favor of something else.

Moving to another country might work, but if you're socially awkward in one country, you're going to be socially awkward in another, unless the awkwardness is a reaction to the norms of the society you're living in.

Don't worry, man. 3D printers will get cheaper and cheaper over time, and everybody will have a gf some day.

Some day.

Jesus went through life single, never had a woman. You don't need someone of the opposite sex to be happy and content. Millions get through life without it, and the majority, like me, look to God instead. What you need to do is keep your eyes focused on God and getting to the end of the tunnel where you can be happy. Being happy starts with you, if you cannot be happy being single, you cannot be happy with someone else.

God bless. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENnAa7rqtBM



Don't give up man, there's only 7 years left to complete the quest for wizardy, don't get distractrected by frivolous desires.