akwater...I'm your father.

And technically, your mother.

One summer night, I ran away for a while. Laughing, I hurry beneath the sky, to an obscure place to hide, that no one could find. And I drifted to another state of mind, and the feeling was so heavy and sublime, and then I met you there in the dark, akwateeeer.

We met in that seedy, dark, damp bathroom. Don't you remember it? The graffiti on the wall, the large brown stains everywhere, the small water puddles, the overflowing toilet, the mold slowly growing and taking over the walls... and that smell. It smelt like urine and vomit.

We just stood there, at the urinals, taking a piss and whistling the awkward away. When we were done, we zipped our pants back up, stared at each other for a minute, and began leaving.

Ahh... memories. Oh, and you almost tripped over that drunk guy lying on the floor. We laughed so hard! Well, at least I did anyways...

I'm fairly sure that multiple gametes from one person can't combine to create viable offspring. Even if they have both sets of equipment, I'm pretty certain they can only create one form of gamete.

The only explanation here is cloning but then it'd probably be more accurate for catshade to describe him/herself as a donor or template
That WAS the story. The details are a bit vague, its like when you come out of a AAA blockbuster movie but when you get home you have to look up a synopsis so you can remember what the story was supposed to be because the thing was too full of tits and explosions to really focus on the narrative

akwater old buddy, are you really, really, really sure you want me to share to everybody in this whole wide world how we met for the first time? 'Cause we met at the cinema watching Pocahontas! It might be awesome at the time but is kind of embarrassing right now, you know... :-D

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

It was Comicon.

There you stood, dressed in your stunningly recreated original Battlestar Galactica Cylon costume. I approached you, resplendent in my Klingon/Hobbit hybrid fanfic crossover costume. You offered me pocky, and from there our meeting descended into a torrid romance. We did the hamster dance under the stars, we battled one another with giant foam weapons at the larp.

We threw string cheese at all the emo kids dressed up as Cloud or Sephiroth.

It was pure magic.

Sadly, in the end you left me with a fake number, and all I have to remember our great weekend together is twelve unopened copies of Quantum Leap Season One and a receipt from the midget stripper.

Ah, well, such is life.

I suppose that works too but then surely it'd be more accurate to say "I am your father and technically one of your mothers" since there'd be one birth mother but 2 maternal parents

I remember when we met and I'm sure you do to. I'm also sure you remember we agreed to never talk about that day, or anything we did then, ever again.

Ah Akwater, a man I met under the most curious circumstances. Gather 'round ye childern, and I'll spin you a tale, a tale of magic and adventure and whimsical tomfoolery.

It was a warm midsummer night. The grass was tall and deer and other woodland mammals frolicked under a warm breeze. I was enjoying a delicious cup of coffee and maple syrup when decided to visit the local bycicle shop, as I wished to aquire a device that would allow for fast locomotion yet required no supply of liquified hydrocarbons. I set off from my couch to my bedroom, in order to change my apparrel for something more socially acceptable for a man of my income and standing. I decided to change into a pair of woollen pantaloons, as they were the height of style, or as the kids called it, the bee's knee's. Oh, those crazy kids and their words. I also took a packet of cheese-flavoured corn-based snacks and fastened them to the left buttock of my trousers using a safety pin, as was also the style at the time. To ensure my man bosoms were also sufficiently out of sight of fellow citizens, I selected a yellow and green striped brasier and simple white blouse to go over the top. Finally, a pair of pink cotton foot undergarments and two foot coverings fashioned from rubber and leather, one for each foot. I then took my small bag of monetary tokens and set off, using my key to securely fasten my door in its frame to ensure any human who is not me is denied entry to my abode.

Suddenly, while waiting at the designated stopping point for the public high capacity passenger transportation vehicle, I spotted a most perculiar individual on the other side of the street. He gave me the oddest look and flicked a cocktail wiener at me, then continued on his way.

Later that day, I arrived at the auto mechanic shop. Yes, I know I was on my way to the bicycle shot but I wished to inspect their selection of hub caps and shoe polish. It was at that moment I met the one known as Akwater. He was sitting on a stack of chinese takeaway food boxes and eating a bucket of barbeque sauce with a side of steak before he noticed my presense. I imagined what must've been going through his mind on this momentous occasion, "Oh my, who is that spiffing individual over there? Is he the one the prophecy foretold would come and poop in my garbage recepticle?". Alas, for I was not the one who would fulfil his admittedly strange desire, however I would provide him with another good and/or service that would be almost as valuable. I noticed Akwater didn't have anything to quench his thirst to go with his meal, so I decided to select a beverage for him. I went to a automated snack and beverage distributor and purchased a small quantity of chocolate flavoured bovine milk, encased in a cylinder of aluminium. However, when I returned, Akwater had disappeared. I searched frantically, yet all I found was a stray horse and two pieces of cheese, made from dog milk.

However, I was later reunited with Akwater. I said "Hello, good sir, how goes it?", to which he responded "Most swimmingly, my excellent aquaitance. It has been filled with wondorous adventure involving strippers and canoes and a man known as Jesus performing a perfect waltz with a french poodle. How goes your awake-time?" I answered with a cunning yet eloquent: "Most perfect, you majesty. Only this morning, I aquired a most amazing early morning edible items from a refridgerated food box. I later took a nap, in which I dreamed I was riding a giant bacon and sprinkles sandwich through the Swedish deserts. Then I swallowed my canine friend's monocle". Akwater was just amazed at my wondorous adventures and could to little but stare. Eventually he decided to leave in order to aquire a large container of assorted turnip products.

And that's the wondorous tale of how I met Sir Akwater. If you'd like to aquire a transcript, they're available at all good supermarkets for the low low price of $599.95

i first met you when you were making an commerical which went something like this

"Hello, Goggers, look at your water, now back to me, now back at your water, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using generic water and switched to Akwater, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the water your water could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s an oyster with two games that you love. Look again, the games are now grenades. Anything is possible when your water smells like Akwater and not generic. I’m on a seahorse underwater in space and the grenades just exploded in my stomache since i ate them
mmmm spicy

Your Bentley Continental GT cut off my crappy yellow Yugo, which broke my indicator light. You, in your overpriced suit holding a diamond encrusted cell phone in one hand and a golden pistol in the other mumbled something about being fucking annoying and then you wrote me a check (holding your pen with your mouth) for fifty thousand dollars to "fix my car". Then you started to boogie in the middle of the street until a container truck ran you over. Good to know you're still alive though.

Who the hell are you?

We meet that one night . That bill must have been well over a thousand Euro! A truly awesome occasion to remember, though my memory is too blurred by the alcohol that ended on your tip to recall how I got into that invitation!

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. I do not intend to harm akwater in reality.

I was drowning. The icy water surrounded me. I felt my consciousness slipping away. I closed my eyes. I was at peace.

But then... A tight grip tugged on my arm. I opened my eyes. A thick, burly arm was reaching down into the water, and the hand had my wrist in a vice.

I was hauled out of of the water, and that's when I saw... him. Akwater.

Oh, how I hated his rough visage. How I longed to shove a sharp piece of cold metal into his massive chest. How I longed to stretch my arm down his throat and pull out that last pretzel that I had bagsed.

Fin

That good enough?

Ah come on man, like, if you don't remember how we first met then I, like, totally am not gonna tell you and stuff. *grrface*


NOTE: I do not actually talk/type like that, it was purely for little entertainment value. And I could not come up with an interesting story.